Arroyo to ‘2010’ prayer: ‘Oh my God’

MANILA, Philippines -- President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo was caught off guard, when her press secretary prayed that she would continue to lead the nation "even beyond" the end of her term in 2010.

"Bless the President so we will have forbearance, good health, the tolerance to lead this nation up to 2010 and perhaps who knows even beyond," Press Secretary Jesus Dureza said at the end of the opening prayer he led at the start of a Cabinet meeting in the Aguinaldo State Dining Room on Tuesday.

Arroyo, looking embarrassed, covered her face and said: "Oh my God."

After regaining her composure, Arroyo told cameramen and photographers: "That prayer was off the record, so why don't we get everybody seated. Please, tama na, tama na [that's enough]."

Press Secretary Jesus Dureza said to the media, "Naguluhan lang ako, nagka-vision kasi ako habang nagdadasal."

He likewise prayed for newly-installed Senate President Juan Ponce-Enrile, whom he described as a "man for all seasons."

ALL you really need to know...

You are poor. You are a suspected thief. You get locked up.
You are rich. You are a suspected thief. You get a check up.

A contingency fund, a cash advance, and an intelligence fund. They are one and the same.

If you’re a police general and you couldn’t attend an Interpol conference abroad, send your wife instead.

Catholic bishops and nuns - the staunchest critics of the proposed bill to curb population explosion do not actually contribute to population growth.

Impeachment is a numbers game. Winners usually take home a seven–figure jackpot.

History tells us that it takes decades to build states and nations. Today, it only takes a MOA to create one.

When an economic adviser calls her president a “bitch,” something is wrong with the adviser. If he doesn’t get fired, something is wrong with the president.

Double budget insertions are perfectly legal. Unless discovered.

The surest way to get appointed in a government post is to lose in a national election.

When an executive clemency is granted shortly before midnight on a Friday, better check on the list of convicts to be released. You might be in for a surprise.

Relatives of murder victims who oppose the granting of an executive clemency to a murder convict must learn how to swim first before they appeal their case to the Justice secretary..

There are only two genuine groups of oppositionists in the country: the Communist Party of the Philippines, and ABS-CBN.

And thanks to the Commission on Human Rights, I have learned that when a suspected NPA or Moro rebel is tortured, that’s human rights violation. When a government soldier is killed by the suspected NPA or Moro rebel, that’s life.

Have a great week ahead!

Joc Time!!!!!

Jocjoc Bolante is Back
Former agriculture undersecretary Jocelyn Bolante is back in the country. Upon his arrival, the very prompt eight-member team from the Office of the Senate Sergeant-at-Arms read the Upper Chamber’s order for his arrest. The first line of the arrest order reads, “We, the Senators of the Republic of the Philippines, fooled by Eliseo De La Paz last week, vow not to be fooled for the second consecutive week.”

Former agriculture undersecretary Jocelyn Bolante arrived Tuesday night. In his arrival statement, Jocjoc said, “Now that I am back, I assure you that I will answer any and all accusations at the proper forum. I am ready to face the issues and all the malicious accusations against me.” He then denied rumors that ex-PNP comptroller Eliseo De La Paz wrote that statement for him.

When he is discharged from the hospital, Jocjoc Bolante will be detained at the Senate. A Philippine Star report says the detention room has air-conditioning unit, a bed, cable TV, electric fan, conference table, book shelf, white board, single bed, and two sofas. Nope, we’re not describing Claudio Teehankee Jr’s cell at the New Bilibid Prisons. The Quezon City Police District has deployed its personnel to provide round-the-clock security for former agriculture undersecretary Jocelyn “Joc-joc” Bolante. The Senate has also sent eight men to protect him. Can anyone please check if there’s any security guy left for UN Secretary General Ban Ki Moon?

An Inquirer report says former agriculture undersecretary Jocjoc Bolante’s house in the posh Ayala Alabang village showed no sign that his homecoming would be festive. The uninhabited 80 million peso-mansion of the alleged architect of the “fertilizer fund scam” is adorned by ornamental plants, palm trees… and a couple of scarecrows.

Unconfirmed reports say the St. Luke’s Medical Center has released its latest medical bulletin on the health condition of former agriculture undersecretary Jocjoc Bolante. His blood test showed unusual quantities of nitrogen, phosphorus and potassium (N-P-K).

Rodolfo “Jun” Lozada and his nun friends from La Salle wanted to visit Jocjoc Bolante at St. Luke’s Medical Center but the security was really tight. So tight that it’s reportedly even tighter than Lozada’s nun friends.

Like Hollywood’s notorious paparazzi, dozens of media men and women swooped in on former agriculture undersecretary Jocelyn Bolante when he arrived at the NAIA last night. Next to Chris Tiu, Bolante is perhaps the most talked-about Atenean at this moment.

Finally
Jocjoc Bolante has finally been returned. We have waited so long for this event to happen. To give you an idea how long we have waited, when Bolante fled the country, he looked like First Gentleman Mike Arroyo. When he arrived, he looked more like Joker Arroyo.

Jocjoc Bolante is finally back. We have waited so long for this event to happen. To give you an idea how long it was, lawyer Harry Roque’s waist line was still 27 when it all started.

Jocjoc Bolante is back guys. Finally, he’s back. We have waited so long for this event to happen. To give you an idea how long it has been, the price of gasoline was at 35 pesos per liter level when he left.

Jocjoc Bolante is finally back. We have waited so long for this moment to happen. To give you an idea how long it has been: when Jocjoc Bolante left the country, Jose De Venecia was still GMA’s caddie when she played golf in China.

Jocjoc Bolante is finally back. We have waited so long for this moment to arrive. To give you an idea how long it has been: when Jocjoc Bolante left the country, Rustom Padilla was still straight.

Top 20 Movie Casting Choices That Were Meant to Be 2

20: ex-Sen. Ramon Revilla Sr.: Staying Alive

19: Vicki Belo & Ellen Lising: House of Wax

18: DOJ Sec. Raul Gonzales: The Jerk

17: Sen. Antonio Trillanes: Chasing Liberty

16: Tim Yap/DJ Montano: Close Encounters of the Third Kind

15: Mrs. Rose Flaminiano: Super Size Me

14: The Gucci Gang with the special participation of Ms. Nora Aunor: Romancing the Stone

13: Shell, Petron, and Caltex: Liar Liar

12: ABS-CBN News’ Maria Ressa: The Punisher

11: Nadia Montenegro: Grease

10: Doña Mary Ejercito: 10,000 BC

9: Rodolfo “Jun” Lozada: The Man Who Knew Too Much

8: Sen. Lito Lapid: Artificial Intelligence

7: ex-Sen. John Osmeña: Girl, Interrupted

6: (tie) MILF’s Kumander Bravo and Umbra Kato: Psycho and Jose “Joey” De Venecia III: V for Vendetta

5: Panfilo Lacson and Jamby Madrigal: Sister Act

4: Sen. Manuel Villar: Two for the Road

3: Sens. Loren Legarda & Edgardo Angara: An Inconvenient Truth

2: Claudio Teehankee Jr.: While You Were Sleeping

And the No. 1 movie casting choice that was meant to be…

1: Sen. Francis Pangilinan: Unfaithful

The Google Conspiracy Theory

The Master Plan [2007]


What do you think?

MEGA Di-nial [8-mcdo]

Impeachment and GMA
Losing National Broadband Network contract bidder Jose “Joey” De Venecia III said he would lead the filing of an impeachment complaint against President Arroyo. Personally though, I can think of a hundred and one reasons why this particular complaint would fail… and Joey De Venecia is all of them.

Impeachment and GMA II
Three-term congressman and now a Bise-Gobernador ng Iloilo strong message to the president that one cannot steal and get away with it.” If that’s true, then why is he still at large?

Noli for Presy?
Asked about his plans for 2010, vice president Noli De Castro said, “I don’t know.” And then added, “Ako, ‘di naman ako nangarap maging senador pero naging senador ako. ‘Di naman ako nangarap maging vice president, pero naging vice president ako. ‘Yong destiny na ang masusunod.” Apparently, De Castro and the Filipino people have similar fates: Ang mga Pilipino, hindi siya pinangarap maging senador, pero naging senador siya. Hindi siya pinangarap maging vice president, pero naging vice president siya. Kasalanan ng destiny ‘yan eh!

Not True!
Sen. Francis Pangilinan and megastar Sharon Cuneta have both denied reports their marriage is over. Ironically though, they issued the denial… separately.

Top 5 Signs Sen. Francis Pangilinan and Sharon Cuneta Have Separated

5: Angeli Pangilinan stops sending daily Biblical text quotes to sister-in-law Sharon Cuneta.

4: Senator Pangilinan starts going out with the very single… Mommy Elaine! (’Sing laki, pero ‘di ’sing mahal)

3: A special episode of the talk show “Sharon” talks about the secrets of being hot and handsome and will feature as guests Robin Padilla, Gabby Concepcion, and Richard Gomez.

2: When news of the separation reached the Senate, members of Senator Pangilinan’s staff as well as the Senate press corps all shouted, “Burger! Burger! Burger!”

And the No. 1 sign Sen. Francis Pangilinan and Sharon have separated…

1: Sharon changes her Myspace status from “Married” to “It’s complicated” while Senator Kiko Pangilinan modifies his Friendster status from “Married” to “Just Looking Around.”